My Rollercoaster

    I've recently began reading JFK's Profiles in Courage.  I'm not even into Part One and it's already a very compelling book.  The book as a whole is about courageous moments in the history of American politics.  The introduction explains the different pressures facing Senators and Congressmen including their personal convictions; those of their constitutients, interest groups, and party.  It's just made me think about what my principles are, politically and personally.  I'd like to write them out so I can come back here to remind myself what it is I'm doing on this earth and why I'm here.

• I am a left leaning centerist.
• I am pro-choice.  Not pro-abortion, pro-choice.  A woman should be able to make the decision on what she wants to do with her reproductive organs.
• I agree with the second amendment.  The context in which it was written is very different from how it is viewed now, but American citizens meeting certain criteria should have the ability to bare arms.
• I completely disagree with how the American education system is set up.  I feel that there are certain standards to which teachers should be held, but a lot of the subject matter, how they present it, how much time they spend on it etc., etc., should be decided by the teachers.  Being a product of the current system, and seeing how unhappy the teachers are with the system, and having been told, "I would love to spend more time on this, or cover something completely different, but the standardized tests don't allow it."  As a student, especially an above-average student, that is very frustrating to hear; and as a teacher, I'm sure it's very frustrating to say.
• The upper-middle and upper classes should be taxed more than the lower classes.  Call me old-fashioned, but proportional taxes seem to make a little more sense than Reaganomics.
• However, I do believe in cutting government spending.  (This is where I get into a little more of a consevative mode, but with liberal overtones.)  I'm not a big fan of big government.  In the recent years, Bush has extended the size of the government beyond belief.  There are certain government programs that need to be overhauled, or scrapped and started over; but there are many programs that can go all together.  Increasing government spending, while cutting taxes defies all the laws of conventional budget making.
• I do not believe in government marriage.  I believe that a new term for marriage in the government should be developed to encompass the realm of straight, gay, lesbian, transexual, and what-have-you relationships and all will have equal rights.  If you want a "marriage", go to the church.  But if I told you I supported a constitutional ban on interracial marriage or black marriage you would be appalled, but to say that you support a constitutional ban on gay marriages is commonplace.

This is all I have time for now, but I will update this will other views, as well as personal ones.  Thanks for reading.

     It's amazing how much better exercise can make you feel.  I just got back from the gym and I feel good about...well...everything!
    Yesterday was the longest day I've had in a while.  I had three classes, with one being a mid-term, coupled with two hours of working at the open house dealy.  I left my room at 8:30 and got back at 5:30, luckily I didn't have any homework for today, so I just sat around and did nothing.  Played a little guitar, watched tv, and got my iPod updated (which is a feat considering the last time I updated it was August).
    I'll probably write something more significant later.  Hope everyone who reads this, if anyone, has a good day!

    As I participate in my school's open house, I am taken back to my high school experience and the college application process.  The new way of approaching high school is a competition for getting into college; and college has become the place to do the things you enjoy and help define who you are.
    Go into any high school classroom and pick a fairly active student.  Ask them why they do a certain club.  I guarantee you that one of their top reasons is, it will look good on my college application.  I fell victim to it too.  I wasn't horribly interested in Class Council or National Honors Society, but it was going to get me into college.  Sometimes I feel like parents don't understand how much pressure there is.
   It even feels like EVERYTHING you do in high school is scrutinized on a college application.  Every little grade, every suspension or thing you got in trouble for, sometimes you just screw up and people forget that.  When you leave high school, your numbers are what you did.  GPA, class rank, SAT/ACT scores, the number of extracurriculars you did are what define you on that piece or paper(or now website).  Some people still have an amazing experience and can couple it with good grades, but there are those who can't.  The worst part about this is the emphasis on where you go to school determining the rest of your life.
    I'm glad I grew up in a family where almost none of my relatives went to/graduated from college.  I obviously ended up as a good, very privileged person so I don't feel like it took away from my childhood.  Everyone has that cousin, or parent who was just a God amongst men, went to some Ivy League school and you (and many times your family) always feel it necessary to compare what you do what they did.  If one parent is an alma matter of the school, then their kid has to go there too, and if they don't get in, it's the end of the world.  Maybe it's in our heads, but we feel like those cousins, bosses, parents look down on the school we went to if it isn't as good as theirs.  Speaking of deciding something to determine your life, once you actually get into college good luck picking a major.
    I know some people who knew they wanted to be a doctor, or teacher, or whatever since they were little and are determined to do that in college.  But for everyone of those people, I know 5 who have no idea what they want to do for the next 40 years of their life.  I do find condolence in the song "Everyone is Free to Wear Sunscreen" though.  "Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still dont." 
   
    I know these post are kind of ranting or sloppy, but that's kind of how I want them.  This is a space where I can just write down everything I'm thinking, and if it means something to you, awesome!

    Recently I've had some time to dwell on what love means to me. Although I can't give you a definition of what love is, or how to experience it, I can tell you what I feel.
    I've recently experienced, what I believe to be, a "situational breakup." The feelings are all still there, but things just weren't working with the situation. So for the first few weekends I went out, and talked to girls, it was a lot of fun. Then I started to think about how I actually felt. You start to miss that feeling of having someone to call at night, to cuddle with, and just that feeling of having a girlfriend/boyfriend. Some people will say, "Well you just miss having a girlfriend." But I think to myself, I really want that girlfriend to be who I want it to be.
    Through everything she was there, she knows me better than anyone knows me. I'm not stuck in the stage of thinking everything was always good, because it wasn't. I had my flaws, and she had hers. But her flaws were what made her so perfect. I miss the fact that sometimes she was late, I miss the dinners with her family, I miss the drive to go see her and the phone conversations we had to and from seeing each other. Every little song, every word, every picture, makes me think of her. I want so badly to call her and just lay it on the line and say, be with me, but I can't. She needs her time to be her, and when we're ready to get back together we will.
    This is someone I would give my life for. I know that sounds cliche, but it is the most true thing I have ever said. She made me a better person, and I hope she feels the same way about me. She pushed me to do well in classes, she pushed me to eat healthier, she pushed me to kick my soda habit and work out, all things that I am so glad that happened. It sounds so awful, but I love her to the point that I am miserable, but so happy that I'm miserable. We're both happy and having fun doing what we're doing, but it could be so much better. I had a lot of things going on that I needed to work out, and I've had my time to get them in line. Pardon the quote, but "You can have the best of me."
With her I was a sweet guy. She won't let herself believe that it was because of her that I wanted to do the cute, sweet little things that I did, but its true. She gives me confidence. She was always so amazed at how well I got along with her friends and family, but it was because of her that I did. Not to say that I don't like her friends or family, actually I really really like them. It was just because I had her standing next to me, I had the courage to be the person I wanted to be. And that's what love is about, the fulfillment of character, the fact that here is a person who makes up for everything that I lack and can help me be the person that I want to be.